My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
