Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
