my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
