I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
