He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's not a walk of shame if you run
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize