I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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