just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
