There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I wish my penis had an off switch
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
