In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
