Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
