She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
