At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Randomize
