Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
