a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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