I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
