i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
