People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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