I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
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he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
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I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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