No awkward lesbian experiences without me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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