just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
