There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
