like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
