dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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