dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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