He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
