nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
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I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
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I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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