I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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