I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
