So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
