i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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