When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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