In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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