Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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