Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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