I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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