If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
