the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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