So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
