I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize