my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
