Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
