I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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