It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
