I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
