I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
