Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
