"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
