Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's blow job season.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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