So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
