Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
