He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
