stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
