People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I can't turn off my feet"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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