Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
