Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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