ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
