my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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