Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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