i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
