Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
