he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
