Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
