Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
