we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
