im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
