i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
