I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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