you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
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Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
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OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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