he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
