Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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