Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
